October 29, 2007
"Well, FUCK IT ALL. hahahahaha
It's been a while since I've been this genuinely happy. All those instances of defeat and angst turn around and cower in the corner. They have been defeated.
It was an extremely difficult two months. I didn't think that life would have ever gotten as bad as it did, but IT did.
Today though, is my victory. I won. I beat it all.
Two weeks ago, I had an interview with Bank Of America. They didn't want me. I was a bit sad because I thought that I did a really great job of impressing them. I thought my experience and enthusiasm would be enough to get me that job that I knew I'd be wonderful at.
The interview ended rather abruptly, though. I wasn't quite sure how to react to it, and I left wondering if that was the end of the process or was there something more that should have happened.
I was down on myself because I thought that I should have done better. I have never in my life felt as rejected as I did the day that they called me back and said that they were going to go with other candidates.
For every interview that I had been on, I had ALWAYS gotten the job. No position had ever called me back and said "you do NOT have the job". It was a huge blow to my ego. I thought I had lost that ability to win people over and let them know what a great person I was. Most of all, I thought that I had used up my chances to find something that I would be really good at and that pays well.
Thanks to Gloria, she gave me a bit of an inside tip that FedEx was hiring. She said they were looking for people to fill a really great position. That same day, I had tried to apply online, but their website was going to be down for a week. truthfully, I wasn't even going to bother with it. I was just going to try to get something that I would be overqualified for and just bite the bullet on the pay. My thought processes was "hey, at least you'd be working". So after the week went by...I hadn't heard back from any other jobs I applied for (I am truly convinced that the jobs that you apply for through CalJobs are all fake...I mean come on...12 jobs and NOT ONE called me back??? Yeah right!!!) so I decided to fill out an application for FedEx.
Wouldn't ya know...that not even 48 hours later, I got called in for an interview. I was shocked. I went in for the first interview with the manager...she was a really sweet girl. She passed me on to the next interview. I thought, okay...I must've done good.
So the next interview was with the girl I was going to be replacing. She passed me on to the next interview. I was getting more confident that I was going to get it.
The next interview (which I thought was going to be my last) lasted only 15 minutes. I thought I worked my charm a bit too much, joking and laughing with the guy (he was so HOTT)...but he told me that I should hear something by the following day from the district manager.
Now....for the entire week while I was going through deliberations, I could not sleep. I just wasn't tired and it was really the only thing on my mind (was I going to get the job???) I was just stressin' about how much I really wanted this. How it was going to change everything for the better. EVEN BETTER than from the way things were when we lived on our own. It was going to erase all the horrible bad things that have been going on for the past few months.
It was going to make things matter.
The last day of the week (Friday) I got a call from the district manager. I was caught off guard and wasn't really expecting him to do a phone interview. It was even more brief than the one with the hottie.
And then I had to wait. I knew that I wouldn't receive a call until Monday...so it festered. I started doubting myself and believing that they would turn me down too. But then like the flip of a coin, I believed that they wouldn't put me through 4 interviews to tell me that I don't have the job. 3 out of 4 must have liked me to keep putting me through the next level and that was all I really needed.
Today I could not sleep. I went to bed around 4 and lied in bed till 530 before I dozed off. I kept dreaming that I received the call telling me if I got the job. Sometimes the dream would say I got it. Sometimes the dream would say that I didn't get it. Sometimes the dream would say I have to go on another interview. I was going a bit psycho in my sleep.
This morning I got a call....and they offered me the position. Actually, the word that she used was "I would like to extend you an offer to come work for our company...are you still interested?" I honestly couldn't contain myself. I thought I was dreaming again. I asked her "are you fer real??" and she said yes. Everyone really liked my attitude and think that I would make a perfect asset to the company. There was a bit of me laughing like a crazy man...but it stopped when I caught myself...LOL
So there it is.
I got the job. I did it. It's WONDERFUL.
And I couldn't have done this without all the wonderful people that have supported me through this time. You are all simply amazing. Your strength and encouragement have lifted me so high that the sky is no where to be seen.
Erika and Gloria: Thanks so much for letting me bug you guys in the morning. Thanks for giving me a place to stay and a word from the heart. Thanks for all the hugs and laughter to get me through this time. I love you guys extremely. You guys and you family are like my family. Thanks for making me feel so good about being alive.
Roxie: You have the kind of inspiration that no one has ever mastered. Your faith in God and your understanding towards the situation helped get me through also. The thing that echoed in my head is what you said to me the day I went for my first interview "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. He has bigger plans for you and doesn't want you to have that B of A job." You were so very correct. Thanks Miss Roxy Heart. I love you.
Richard and Nancy: You guys...damn...there are never enough words for you guys. It was just great to be able to talk to you and tell you guys everything. It was great to see such warmth and hope in your eyes. You guys are the family that has been with me longer than anyone over the years. Even though the chips are down (and they have been DOWN) you guys have always been there for anything that I may ever need. I appreciate that so very much. I hope that one day I will be able to repay that kindness tenfold. I love you guys.
Papi: Jeezus....what in the world would I do without my anchor? I have lived this life for so long, but was so broken and out of place without you. You fix me and put all the pieces together. You give me reason and meaning. Even though things were horrible, you stood by me and supported me. With no pressure, just the encouragement to assess and conquer. I thank God for you everyday. I love you...I love you....I love you...I love you.
To all the rest. Daisy, Matt, Jay, Amber, Karla and Ricky. I didn't forget about you all that made every horrible day so much more livable. The world may be a bad place, but with all of you MY world is a paradise. Thanks for being there, for the little notes of kindness. For the prayers at night. For being apart of my life and my heart. I find peace of mind because you have all helped me in tremendous ways. Your friendship is invaluable...
And thank you God, my Lord and Savior, for surrounding me with all these wonderful people and great experiences. I know that I can not take the good without the bad. I know that everything that you bring in to my life is here because you want it there. I thank you for humbling me and giving me the opportunity to re-evaluate everything in my life. I lost the meaning of everything I had, and took it all for granted. Thanks for making me see those things that are truly wonderful. And those things that should not be taken for granted."
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