October 4, 2005
"Things haven't been like they were supposed to be. I feel like I've let myself and those around me down. I should have done so much better. Work is not what it was supposed to be. I got the store taken away from me, and now I really feel like I've failed. I just did what I was supposed to be doing, and taking care of everything that needed to be done. I got the numbers, and I got everyone liking their jobs again. I even started began to get control. Oh yeah and the money was great...heehee. But because someone needed their ass covered, I was just a part time solution. I think to myself that I was used. That fuckin blows. Not only that, but the person that has the coveted position, isn't even sure if he wants it either. So now, I'm being talked to about taking over the store again. My ambition for this place and those people are long gone. I just want out. I've been searching for other things that I WANT to do, but the fact is that in my life, I have never done those things so I kinda have to stick with what I know. What I know is.....I'm a dam good worker. I can do anything. I let these people tear me down, make me weak. I let them make me feel like I am not important, and that I am expendable. But they are the ones whom I can do without. I don't want to see what THEY have to offer. I don't want to see what they are gonna wave in front of my face to keep me interested. I am just not interested anymore.
Wave your shiny things at the other dogs laying in wait. They are color blind. They can't see that your gift is rusted."
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