March 7, 2008
"So it has come to my attention by a few people that I have singled them out. Apparently, I have not taken the time to sit back and gab about the things that we once did.
Some people don't receive calls, text messages, emails, or even myspace comments.
Now, do me a favor before you continue reading this...and understand that I say this because MY situation needs to be cleared up. I need to set things straight so that everyone is on the same page and you all understand where i am coming from. The only thing that is personal about this, is that I am writing every individual who has told me lately "You don't have time for me anymore" Or, "Someone else has taken my spot".
Last year, things were so different. If you really are my friend, then you totally understand where I am coming from when I say that. I was in a different place, doing different things. Time was all I had.
I wasn't working, I wasn't going to school. I wasn't doing anything at all but hanging out and spending lots of time with all of my friends. It was an easy kick back time.
Then, I had to fight extremely hard for somethings that I really wanted and needed in my life. And I got it. All my hard work had paid off and I appreciated that all of you were there for me so much. The time that you spent cheering me on and giving me that push to endure, was and is to this day appreciated in ways you can not even imagine.
I thank God every single day for the gift of you in my life.
Those days of hanging out so frequently are gone though. And honestly, not because I want them to. I would love to be with any of you, or all of you when I have the free time, but in the life that I have to live right now...that can't be the case.
I don't have the time to really do anything. I need you to understand and NOT JUST SAY you understand. I have been trying to keep my head above water. This job that I have, has been so extremely demanding that it has unfortunately put a strain on things even closer to home.
From the start of my day I am bombarded with questions and problems. I have to come up with answers to thing that I don't even know yet. But I HAVE to do these things.
At the end of my work day, I am exhausted. I have enough time to eat get my things ready for the next day, kiss my fiancee good night and get ready to do start the process all over again.
The situation has been a task throughout. What I do IS NOT EASY. it may seem like it would be easy, or that at the END OF MY DAY I could just go out and relax. That's not how it is. My day DOESN'T end. I get calls while I'm sleeping sometimes about a situation that needs to be handled.
Honestly, it got to a point where I would walk out of work extremely upset for weeks. And rant and pick at all the things that were wrong with my day. I started smoking 2 packs a week. It was a very serious issue. One weekend, I even turned off my phone only to find out that I had 4 messages from work.
And on weekends, every errand that I should have run, every promise to be somewhere for someone is what I have to figure out what to do. And sometimes, all I want to do is stay in bed. But I can't, because we ALWAYS have something to do.
Lately, the only time that I have had to be with my papi is when we spontaneously say "let's go to the mall" or on a Friday or Saturday night. Sunday's are just days to finish doing the errands we didn't get to during the week.
At night, we lay in bed exhausted from our days. It's tiring guys. It's not like it used to be...I have a responsibility to make sure that I can take care of my papi the way he has done for me.
I'm not saying you are unimportant, but being successful and doing what needs to be done is more important than having fun.
I love you guys, with all my heart. And I haven't forgotten you. But this is the case for EVERYONE. Right now, with everything so hectic and chaotic but some how STRUCTURED. There is only a little time to breathe...
That's all I think I have time for...to breathe. Cuz when I am done, I look around and see that there is so much that needs to be done.
Please, just bare with me. Don't take it personal..I'm not trying to single you out. I barely have time to spend with my papi. When I have the time, I will do my best to show you that I haven't forgotten about you, nor have you been replaced."
1 comment:
I know you haven't forgotten about me, even though I probably don't say "hi" quite as often as I should. I will, however, continue to harass you guys to come up to Vegas... but maybe we'll have to wait when driving isn't only accessible to the rich anymore. I mean, seriously, 80 dollars to fill up my tank? What the hell is this world coming to? =)
Anyway, even though we don't say hi as often as we should, know that you both are always being thought about over here, even thinking about super simple things like our Mario Party nights. I miss those sooo much.
TTYL....
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