265 Miles From Okay

October 2nd, 2006

"Well this weekend for me was supposed to be a great one. For the most part, MY own life is going wonderfully. I hate to proclaim it, but I can not deny it. As for the things around me, I hate that I can't control it. So many things are bugging me that CAN affect my life.

Emotionally, I am torn with a decision to make. The way I feel about the situation is not necessarily the way it is, but it's the way that I feel.

My brother is getting married in a while. I am very proud of him and amazingly happy for him. I am glad that he has found the one that he wants to make happy for the rest of his life, and I hope that she will make him equally happy. I am supposed to be in the wedding. I was asked to walk with my mother down the isle. I am extremely excited.

Now you're like, so where is the fucking problem?

Well.....My brother is neglecting our family. How you ask??? Well, my brother is having an engagement party in two weeks. Only about 5 members (not of my immediate family) got invites.

I didn't get an invite. My brother Richard didn't get an invite. MY MOTHER DIDN'T EVEN GET AN INVITE AND THEY LIVE TOGETHER!!!! My mother had to find out about the engagement party through my Nina. It broke my mother's heart to know that we all were not invited. It broke my heart to know that too. How else are we supposed to feel.

I thought to myself, how am I supposed to be in a wedding where I am not invited to a party where everyone from his fiancee's side will attend. The 5 people that were invited to this party will not be attending, and for that I am hurt. I think to myself..he won't have anyone to support him.

Let me get technical about what's going on. His soon to be mother in law, is prepairing this wedding and completely neglecting my family. I get the feeling that they don't like us. She doesn't make time to know us. She is rude to my mother...and THE BITCH PUT ON THE INVITATIONS THAT SHE IS PRESENTING MY BROTHER AND HER DAUGHTER IN THE WEDDING!!!!! How in the world can my brother stand for this? How does he not see that my mother should be apart of this.

I went up to Las Vegas in May for 4 days. I saw my brother for 3 hours, and talked to him for 1/2 an hour of those 3 hours.

Why baby brother?? What has gotten into you? What has changed your heart so much that you would forget about your family?

I don't know what to do. My brother Richard is changing his feelings for what's going on. He is distant. But he is still the same. The bond that they used to have together is not longer there, and my heart aches for him.

I'm getting so angry over this. I think about this every night. I have this dream where they get married and we never see my brother again.

I am planning to have a family gathering for Thanksgiving. I want ALL of my family there. All my brother's and thier mates there. I want OUR family together. I am afraid that I will ask him to come and he will tell me no. I don't think I will have the patience to deal with my brother the way my mom has...

I wish that they had never left. I wish they would have never left. My family is in pain. My family is broken and disconnected. Everyone says it will be okay.....It's 265 Miles From Okay."