Kickin the Habit

So I've tried this on numerous occasions....You'll see what I mean.

January 8, 2007

"So this year I made the most awesome resolution to myself. (Actually I made 3 of them, but this one is currently the most important)

I quit smoking. I did it cold turkey. No patch, no gum, no weaning off of them. Just no more cigarettes.

I had used so may excuses to continue smoking. The one that I reflect on and consider the most ignorant was, when I said "I'm going to die one day anyway." I realized that I could control that my death would not be self inflicted, and raise my life span by just a bit.

I remember stopping for a short while after my Nana died. I just thought to myself that there are more important reasons to live, but then I started up again because obviously the addiction was strong. I never gave the addiction that much credit. I would always say "I control it, it does not control me." I was wrong on so many levels. I would say that I need a cigarette when I drank coffee, or had a few beers...in some cases I would buy a pack because while I walked because there was nothing better to do. I couldn't realize that I had a problem. (I understand now when people say "addicts don't think they have a problem"

I usually would smoke on the weekends when we went out. When I used to smoke, I remember that I could not get the smell off my hands. It would gross me out (and yet, I did not stop). I would brush my teeth at night before bed, but wake up with the icky tar taste in my mouth.

This weekend I had some beers and when I woke up in the morning I kept smelling my hands. There was no stench. Even though I knew there would no longer be a smell, I kept smelling them. (I guess it was like I was amazed that I could not smell like ashtray)

Right now is officially the longest that I have gone without a cigarette in the past 3 years. I am on my 1st complete week (7 days). I am having some real bad withdrawls. I'm shakey, have a headache, I feel sick, and I might throw up. It's gross.

I will not throw in the towel though. I will beat this, and I will achieve my goal. With God by my side I will triumph. I'll go through the motions, because I know it HAS to be done. I have to lead an example to my brother's, my sister, and my friends. I have to show that I am stronger than any substance.

I will kick this ugly ass habit."