Day One

Last night...I had to do something that I hadn't needed to do in a long time.

I had to let something go.

This was the most terrifying thing that I have ever had to do (considering that it is the month of October...I can see it fitting)...

Right now, I am completely afraid and frightened at what I am going to feel and DISCOVER that I feel.

Last night, I had to set something free that I was holding on to because it made me feel a little more safe.

I had to let him be him...without me, and I like wise would do the same.

I had the time to think of how I wasn't me anymore...the person on the inside was lost.

I need to find my way without anyone else.

I came to find that I was completely reliant on the company of other people to keep me happy.

I was diving in to work to be someone that is NOT me at all. At work, there is a person void of the complete "Franky package" because some of the people around me, are NOT my friends....just co workers. I don't have to feel or INVOLVE my feelings in anything that I need to do at work, I just DO. (but I've already said that)

So, as I was sitting there watching the most horrible movie I have seen this year (which kind of sucks because my track record for the year was pretty great with movies...but you can't win them all I suppose) I realized...or rather, was brought to realize that: even though I hadn't expected anything from this movie...I was still dissapointed.

Andrew actually brought this to my attention when we both griped over how the movie had no plot, went no where, it wasn't explained what happened to Mila Kunis, why were demons involved, everytime they were about to explain something...a character got killed, Lobo LOOKED cool...but was not the greatest Midboss (Disgaea you slay me...lol) and why n the hell was Nelly Furtado in the movie??!?!

So, I guess I understood...

And I didn't want him to expect anything from me...I didn't want him to hang on to something that I wasn't sure I was going to give him.

But I knew that, even if he didn't expect anything from me...he could still be dissapointed.

My path is chosen...I am letting go of that which was...I am letting go of my past.

Getting over the pain and the hurt...

It was time for both of us to do that.

I still love him...I always will, but for now I need to love myself. And he does too...

So this is day one....Day one of me, just being Franky.